


xxiii. self-sacrifice

by tempestaurora



Series: it's okay, we're okay [whumpvember 2018] [23]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, There's only pain here, Whump, pain and a lot of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 07:25:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16718956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tempestaurora/pseuds/tempestaurora
Summary: There is one gun.There is one bullet.You may not shoot yourself.Someone must die.If no one is killed, you all die.You have one hour.





	xxiii. self-sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> dear god good luck

_There is one gun._

Pepper’s eyebrows bunched together as she came to. Consciousness was trying to elude her, and she barely had the energy to grab onto it. _Ah – ah, there._ A pain thumped around her head from where she’d been knocked out and it spliced at her in a flashing red light.

 

_There is one bullet._

No – the pain wasn’t red. The red was coming from past her eyelids, pressing at them in repetitive pulses. Red. Red. Red.

 

_You may not shoot yourself._

Red. Red. Red. There was a woman’s voice, distant and monotone. It was far underwater – or maybe she was; maybe she was beneath miles of water and this voice was on dry land.

 

_Someone must die._

She was breathing though, and no water was filling her lungs. Air in. Air out. Pepper choked on it.

 

_If no one is killed, you all die._

Her eyes shot open, gaze bouncing around grey concrete walls. The red was coming from a flashing light in a corner, far above her. The voice was clearer now.

 

_You have one hour._

_Shit._ Shit, what? Pepper choked again, rolling onto her back and staring up at the stained ceiling. Everything was grey here; grey, red, grey, red. The voice started up again. Monotone, female, icy.

 

_There is one gun._

Pepper swore as she pushed herself up into a seated position. This wasn’t her world; wasn’t her job. It wasn’t like she’d never been kidnapped before – Aldrich Killian came to mind – but it wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be a part of her reality. Grey walls, stained with something brown, a flashing red light. This was not what she signed on for. She was a CEO, not a superhero – not, not-

“Tony.” The word came out choked as her eyes caught onto the body, slumped over nearby. Pepper scrambled over and before she’d even reached his side, she saw the next body over. “Peter. No, no, no-”

Above her, the monotone voice rang out again and again. Pepper was close to shoving her fist through the wall to get at it, to choke the life from the woman who’d sit down and record such a thing. The woman who must be watching them.

Pepper pushed the thought from her mind, climbing over Tony’s body as soon as she’d confirmed his pulse. On her hands and knees, she moved to Peter’s side, pulling him onto his back and searching his neck, his wrist.

“Come on, come on, come on- oh, thank God.” It was slow but steady and Pepper relaxed back, her breathing already pitched and difficult to even out. They were both alive. Tony and Peter were both alive.

_Well, not for long._

Pepper’s eyes alighted on the gun across the room and she stared at it as if it would shoot if she looked away. Pepper crawled to her feet, finding them bare and missing the high heels she’d been wearing when the world had shaken and gone suddenly dark, and stepped across the room, the concrete harsh and cold against her skin.

She knelt down by the gun, eyeing the steel door it sat at the base of and the glowing red numbers of a countdown that sat above the door frame. _59:23._

Pepper picked up the handgun, her fingers slipping across the dark metal. A Colt revolver, her mind supplied. She moved her hands to the barrel – six cylinders – and swung it out to peer inside.

 

_There is one bullet._

_You got that right._ One bullet sat alone in the chamber and Pepper snapped the barrel back into place.

“I’d rather you not use that,” a strained voice said from behind her. Pepper jumped with a sharp intake of breath, spinning to look at Tony, perched half up from where he was lying and moving to check Peter’s breathing.

“I agree,” she replied. The gun felt too heavy in her hand, despite the single bullet. There was too much pressure riding on it; too much unfortunate circumstance.

Pepper gently slipped the gun back onto the floor where she found it and moved back to Tony’s side, running her thumb gently over the angry red bruise across his cheekbone. It looked worse with the flashing red light.

Tony looked to Pepper, jaw tense. “I’ll get us out of this.”

She nodded once, silent. She knew he’d try.

 

_If no one is killed, you all die._

“I hope that shuts up soon,” Pepper said. “The light’s giving me a headache.”

Still it flashed on. Still the voice continued on. Still Pepper worried her lower lip with her teeth and pretended not to see the fear in Tony’s eyes.

He was trying to open the door when Peter blinked awake at last, a groan at the back of his throat.

“Hey, sweetie,” Pepper smiled, cupping the back of his head as he tried to sit up. She let him use her to lean on and kept a hand in his unruly curls.

“Where are we?” Peter moaned. He used a fist to rub his eyes and Pepper’s heart swelled at the innocence of the action. _He’s just a kid._ Sometimes she’d forget that when she watched Spiderman on the news; taking down the Vulture, facing the Sinister Six, standing tall by Tony’s side at whatever threats came their way. Beneath that mask, he was seventeen, and he was a _child._

“We don’t know,” Pepper said. “We woke up here.”

Peter frowned up at her as if noticing her for the first time. This was fair. Pepper wasn’t one to get kidnapped. In fact, she was the one who called the police or assembled the remaining Avengers whenever Peter and Tony got kidnapped – and they got kidnapped more than preferable.

“Are you okay?” he asked and _God,_ Pepper loved this child.

“Yeah. I’m alright. What about you? You must’ve got knocked out hard.”

Peter shrugged and tried to straighten and move away from Pepper’s side, but she kept her hand in his hair and he relaxed back into it anyway.

“I’m fine,” he said. “I think they got us when we were leaving school.”

Pepper nodded. “I was leaving work,” she said. “Didn’t make it to the car.”

Tony had been standing by the door throughout, the clock ticking down already – an hour was such a short amount of time – looking over his shoulder at them occasionally but trying to find some purchase on the door. They all knew he wouldn’t be able to open it with brute strength – Peter neither, likely. People didn’t kidnap superheroes without thinking it through.

“God, May’s not going to even know,” Peter said suddenly, and Pepper frowned, actively trying not to think about May, who was no doubt waiting for her _goodnight_ text as Peter was supposed to spend the weekend with Tony and Pepper. May who was likely going to be a little worried without the text, more so the next day when she called and no one answered – who would be alone all weekend with no knowledge of what was going on.

Or, worse, May who was called by the police when someone reported an attack on Peter and Tony outside the school, and was going to sit in a sick form of purgatory for the next while, unsure of the outcome.

Would it be all weekend? The clock only said an hour. Maybe it was an hour and then they’d go – or, at least, whoever was still alive.

When the clock reached _50:00,_ the flashing red light stopped and the voice ceased. It was eerily quiet without them; with just the sounds of their hearts thumping against their ribcages and their breathing – a little too slow for the situation.

Peter tried to pull the door open, but it wouldn’t budge. Eventually, he slumped down in between Pepper and Tony, who sat opposite the door, opposite the gun, opposite the clock.

“What are we going to do?” Peter asked then, and Pepper’s heart sank into her gut because she didn’t know. Because she wasn’t a superhero – she didn’t _get_ into these situations. She didn’t know how to save the three of them, how to walk out of here just fine. She didn’t even know if anyone was coming for them-

Was this what it was like every time? When Tony was stuck in Afghanistan, _sure_ that no one would find him in a cave? When they were taken only a few months previous and held in a chamber filled with masked men and blood-stained tiles?

Pepper had only felt a surety when she was kidnapped by Killian. She had no doubt in her mind that Tony would come for her. Not just because he was Iron Man, Earth’s mightiest defender, but because he was _Tony_ , and he would never let her die. He would never leave her to be alone. Even when her insides had been boiling and Extremis had taken over, she’d been sure he’d come for her.

Even when she was falling into the fire, she’d been sure he’d find a way to catch her, even if he didn’t.

But this – this was uncertainty in its rawest form and it was terrifying. This was Peter’s hand clutching at her own, his head tilted onto Tony’s shoulder. This was silence, the voice vanished, a dark room and a glowing red clock counting down to their deaths. This was Pepper, not knowing if Rhodey was coming after them; if Vision was in the country to do so; if the police or the military would even have a chance; if the Rogue Avengers would be notified and even _get here in time._

There was only an hour. Only Tony Stark could mobilise the whole planet in an hour, and he was stuck in here too.

So no one answered Peter’s question. No one told him what they were going to do, because there was nothing _to_ do. It was shoot each other or die anyway. It was unload the only bullet in that gun into someone’s head or be shot as a family instead.

But May didn’t deserve that. May didn’t deserve to lose her only remaining family. She’d already lost Richard and Mary, already lost Ben – Pepper couldn’t let her lose her nephew too. She couldn’t. She and May had a sort of friendship that _meant something_ to Pepper; she’d seen May cry, seen May at Peter’s bedside; seen her on bright days of sharing lunch at a café and warm nights dancing in a lively bar.

Pepper looked over Peter’s head to Tony and found him already watching her. They couldn’t let Peter die. There was no question about that. This wasn’t them waiting out the hour and dying together – this was saving Peter’s life.

So it would be one of them. _Me or you._

Pepper blinked. _Me._

She and Tony stared at each other until the clock hit _30:00,_ then Peter spoke up.

“They’re going to kill us if we don’t do something.”

“It’ll be fine,” Tony replied.

“No – no, it won’t. We can’t just- I won’t let us all die here. That’s stupid. That’s not how this goes.”

“We won’t all die here,” Pepper replied. She couldn’t say something placating like _I’m sure someone will find us first_ – because she didn’t trust it. Because there was half an hour on the clock and if they had a few days then maybe she’d hold out hope. Maybe she’d say that Rhodey would get to them in time – but with thirty minutes-

Pepper was going to have Tony shoot her in twenty-nine.

“We won’t all die here,” she repeated, because that was the truth.

The three of them fell quiet and Pepper leaned her head on Peter’s shoulder and Tony reached his arm around both of them, and Pepper let her eyes close so she could focus on the touch of Tony’s hand, warm and calloused and so familiar in all the ways Tony was always familiar.

“You should kill me,” Peter said, and Pepper opened her eyes.

“I thought you were a smart kid,” Tony replied. “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.”

“I’m serious.” Peter moved out from their grip and Pepper sat up before shifting closer to Tony because she was going to die in twenty-nine – no, twenty-eight – minutes and she was going to touch him all she could until then. Maybe her spirit or her soul or whatever part of her was eternal in the next life would still remember him, then. Maybe she could relax into that touch when she was dead and gone and it would still envelope her like Tony was doing now; his arm pulling her in close, his free hand holding hers.

“Look at you two,” Peter said, throwing a hand out. He sat before them, all angles and limbs; a ratty t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Mis-matched socks on his feet. “You- you- you two have your whole lives together. You’re like twenty years in the making, you’re getting married in like a month! I can’t! I can’t let either of you die for me.”

“Kid,” Tony said, letting go of Pepper’s hand to grab Peter’s. “You’re not dying today. Neither of us will allow that.”

“You have your whole life ahead of you,” Pepper agreed. “You’re so young, you can do anything – and you will! Tony’s always going on about how you’re gonna be the greatest mind the world has ever seen-”

“No,” Peter interrupted. “It’s – it’s you two. It’s always been you two. I don’t want either of you dying for me.”

“Well we’re not having you dying for us,” Tony replied.

They fell silent then and Pepper caught sight of the tears welling in Peter’s eyes. So young. So, so young.

“Come here,” she said, opening her arms for him. Peter didn’t waste time in falling into her embrace, curling around her and Tony; the three of them a knot of limbs and desperation and determination not to cry.

Pepper pressed her lips against the crown of Peter’s head, his hair soft against her cheeks. His shampoo was apple, she knew that like she knew Tony’s was papaya, like her own was mango. She let the first, lonely tear roll down her cheek and land in his hair.

“You’re going to be something incredible,” she whispered. “You really are. And we’re not- we’re not going to let you end that today. Queens would be lost without you and so would May. You can’t – you can’t do that to her, okay? I won’t let you.

She felt the way he nodded, felt the vibrations of his movements, of Tony’s. Tony pressed a kiss against Peter’s temple and said nothing. No words ever needed to be passed between those two – they were a cohesive unit; bound by something like fate or destiny. It hadn’t been a coincidence that they’d found each other and all three of them knew it.

So Pepper wouldn’t let Tony die today, because like May would be destroyed over Peter, Peter would be ruined by Tony. Pepper wouldn’t let that happen. She wouldn’t let the brightest mind in New York lose his mentor, his father-figure, and she wouldn’t let Tony lose the only child he’s ever thought of as a son.

Pepper could write entire novels of reasons why she wouldn’t let Tony die today, but instead she stayed quiet, her cheek pressed against Peter’s hair and Tony’s forehead leant against her temple.

The clock hit _15:00_ when Tony moved at last. Pepper shifted to look him in the eye, and they just stared for a moment, committing the way each other’s lips tilted and their brows creased to their memories. Tony had a small scar above his right eyebrow, a tiny mole on his jaw. She wasn’t going to look away but her eyes shut on reflex when he moved in and kissed her, slow and sincere.

There were novels and screenplays and academic essays on the reasons Pepper Potts loved Tony Stark; on all the things that kiss was saying; on everything Pepper had wanted to tell him, someday, but would now never get the chance.

When he pulled away, Tony cupped her face in his hand, tucked a strand of golden-blonde hair behind her ear and said, “I’m going to need you to shoot me, Pep.”

Her jaw tensed. “Fuck that.”

“Pep-”

“No.”

She sat up, felt Peter try to move too but kept him firmly in place, her arms tightening around him.

“Pepper.”

“Tony.”

There was a warning in their voices.

“I’m not shooting you, Pepper.”

“Well I’m not shooting you, so we’re at a stalemate.”

Tony sighed and Pepper knew that sigh intimately. She knew them all. She knew the ones that were bored of work, the ones that were annoyed about there being no milk in the fridge, the ones that were frustrated that he wasn’t being understood – this was one of those. She stopped speaking out of reflex; knowing that when Tony sighed like that, he wanted to explain.

“Pepper, I’m not letting you die today. I won’t do it. I’m not going to shoot you and Peter sure as hell isn’t – I just.” He reached out again, light knuckles on her cheek. “I love you so much. You’re it, Pepper. You’re everything. I can’t – I won’t make it through losing you. That’s a fact. If you die, I die.”

“Tony.”

“I know this is shitty and difficult, I do, but I can’t be the one to kill you. I still see you falling into the fire in my nightmares because _I_ couldn’t catch you-”

“Tony, I’ll lose my mind if I have to kill you today.”

“You won’t.”

“I will.”

“Pepper, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I’m not saying this won’t be fucking awful, but I know you. You’ll make it through. You’ll do amazing things and-”

“Not without you. _Tony._ I’m not doing this. I’m not shooting you. You’re going to shoot me, okay?”

“Not okay-”

“If you die, the entire world loses you, Tony. If I die, it’s just a company. But you – God, Tony. You never did know how much you were worth. Even when you thought you were the hottest shit on Earth, you still thought you were only the kind of shit on someone’s shoes. No – no, Tony. You’re Iron Man. You’re Tony Stark. You’re the only one this planet has that’s going to defend it. You’re the only one _I_ have-”

“Pep.”

Pepper took a deep breath, swallowing. Her face was wet and tear-streaked, matching Tony’s, and she’d somehow let go of Peter during the argument, and he was sitting back and staring at them with wide, shining eyes. They were broken, all of them, facing a demise that they had to choose.

“Look at him,” Pepper said, nodding to Peter. She watched Tony hesitate before he did. “I can’t help him like you can. I can’t _raise_ him like you can. He’s going to take on the world and _I can’t help him do that._ You can. You can teach him, Tony-”

Tony choked down some kind of laugh. “You’re fucking guilting me using Peter?”

Pepper bit her tongue and locked her jaw, meeting his eye. But Tony wasn’t angry, he was just deeply, horribly sad and he scrubbed at his face, his hands coming back damp.

“I can’t fucking do this,” Tony said. “I can’t fucking do this. I don’t – I don’t want to leave either of you, but I know, Pepper, I _know_ I need to be the one.” He crawled closer, holding Pepper’s face in his hands. “The past ten years of my life, it’s been about saving people. I made Iron Man so people could be _safe._ So people could be protected, and I could never do that if you weren’t safe. If I couldn’t protect you. Pepper, if I don’t protect you now, then- then-”

Pepper kissed him. She kissed him and she cried and she grabbed at him to pull him as tight as she could because it was just him. It was always him. It was always Tony.

 

_There is one gun._

The voice started up suddenly and Pepper broke the kiss.

 

_There is one bullet. You may not shoot yourself. Someone must die. If no one is killed, you all die. You have ten minutes._

Pepper jerked her gaze to the clock. _10:00._ The voice didn’t repeat its message.

She turned back to Tony.

He couldn’t kill her when keeping her alive had been his goal for so long, and she couldn’t kill him because she’d shatter if she did.

Pepper pulled him into a hug, a tight embrace where she held him with all her strength and felt him do the same back.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you more than anything.”

Tony pressed his lips against her jaw, her cheek, her lips.

Peter was crying. When Pepper and Tony moved apart, she pulled Peter into her arms.

Tony shifted into the embrace, too, holding Peter close to his chest.

“I should’ve done so many things better,” Tony said and Pepper tried to memorise the way his voice lilted across every word. His mother was a musician and she’d passed that down to him. He could play the piano with startling beauty, though she doubted he’d ever shown anyone besides her. “Peter, you’re going to be the greatest hero of us all, okay? When you want it – _if_ you want it - the Avengers – they’re yours. They’re all yours. And SI. The company.”

“Tony-”

“Peter.”

“I can’t – I can’t do that. That’s yours, and Pepper’s, and-”

“Fuck, Pete. You’re already named as the heir, okay? Pepper’s gonna be with you every step of the way. You don’t have to take on the company until you want it, and even then Pepper’s gonna keep CEO until you feel like you’re ready for that. But, that’s yours, if you want that. Shit, shit – there’s so many things I want to say. Kid, kid.” Tony moved until he was face-to-face with Peter, holding his shoulders. “You’re good enough. You’re more than good enough. You’re Peter Parker and you’re the best damn thing in this world and I love you so much. You’re a son to me, Peter. I- I’m so fucking grateful to have you in my life.”

Peter barrelled himself into Tony’s chest and Pepper used the moment they held each other to swipe away the tears that were threatening to drown her. How could she agree to kill him? How was she even going to manage it? Putting a gun to her fiancé’s head and pulling the trigger? It felt unexplainable; it felt impossible.

She swallowed down the vomit threatening to rise and listened to Peter’s whispered _I love you, I’m sorry, Tony, Mr Stark, please, I can’t-_

“You can,” Tony replied. “You can do anything you set your mind to. Whatever you do in your life, I’m proud of you. I am.”

Peter stayed huddled against Tony’s chest, relishing in the last warmth he’d ever have, when Tony met Pepper’s eye. “I wish I could marry you,” he said. “I wish I could see you on our wedding day.”

“You’ve already seen me in the dress,” Pepper said. “It’s that Vera Wang one. You walked in when I was trying it on and you choked and spilt your drink.” Tony laughed for what it was worth, and Pepper smiled as best she could. “The moment you did that I was sold on it.”

She moved closer to the pair, sitting by Tony’s side, turned to face him. She pressed her forehead into his shoulder as his free arm pulled her in.

“You’re the love of my life,” he said.

“You’re the love of mine.”

“Thank you for saying yes to me. And for looking after me. For sticking by me through all my dumb shit, and for kissing me for the first time in front of Rhodey.” Pepper choked out a laugh into his shoulder. “I know this is gonna be awful, Pep. I know this is gonna suck a whole lot, and it’s gonna suck for a while after too. But I know you can get through it. I know you’ll make it out the other side, and you’ll continue to be the incredible woman that you’ve always been.”

“Tony.”

“I need you to do me a favour,” he said.

“Anything.”

“Look after Peter for me.”

She nodded into his shoulder. “Anything.”

“He’s a handful and he talks a mile a minute and sometimes he gets stuck in his own web fluid. There’s a few bottles of dissolvent in the lab, just ask FRIDAY where it is. I added a feature to the mark 56, too, which can spray it. FRIDAY has the specs for that. Keep him safe, okay?”

Pepper sniffed. “I’ll ask FRIDAY to make me one of those stalker apps where I track his vitals all hours of the day.”

Even Peter laughed into Tony’s chest.

Tony smiled and pressed a kiss into her hair. “Thank you. And you look out for Pepper, okay kid?”

“Okay, Mr Stark.”

“I thought we were at Tony! Peter! Come on!”

“Sorry Tony,” Peter replied, his voice muffled.

“That’s better.”

They were quiet for a moment and Pepper lifted her head, sparing a glance at the clock on the wall. _4:51._ “There’s only one Tony Stark,” she said. “Only one you. Tony, you’re my favourite person and I’m _so_ thankful, every day, that you’re in my life. I know the world’s going to miss you and they’re going to miss Iron Man – but I can’t _imagine_ my life without you. I can’t – I don’t know how-”

“Pepper.” Tony’s voice was soft, his hand in her hair. “It’s okay. It’s alright. You’ll be okay. Focus on getting through each day and eventually they’ll become easier. Just- the world needs heroes, I know it does. It’s got Peter and it’s got Rhodey – tell him I love him so much, okay? Happy, too – but I just need you to know that there’s- there’s a suit. I made it for emergencies. Like this one, I guess – and it’s yours. You don’t have to use it, but it’s tailored for you. Ask FRIDAY for the Rescue suit.”

Pepper blinked at him. He made her a suit. _He made her a suit._ “Rescue?”

“Yeah,” he said. “You rescued me plenty of times. Felt right. Okay? Okay. I love you so much.” He pressed another kiss to her lips. “I wish I could’ve done everything with you. Kids, dog, goldfish.”

They held each other. The three of them. A tangled web of people who loved one another more than anything else.

When the clock hit two minutes – Pepper watched it with bile in her mouth – she pulled away and walked to the door, where she picked up the gun. Colt revolver. Felt stupid that she knew the term. Felt stupid that she knew how to snap the barrel out of position and check the bullet was in the right chamber. Felt stupid that she could click off the safety with her thumb.

She kept her finger firmly off the trigger when she moved back.

She kissed Tony for all she was worth, she held him as tight as she could.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he muttered into her ear.

She sat back as he said his final goodbye to Peter.

“I love you, Tony,” Peter whispered. “You’re my dad, you know?”

“Yeah, I know, Pete.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I wish I could save you.”

“I know. You’re going to be amazing, Peter.”

“Thank you for everything.”

Pepper swallowed her sob. The clock hit _1:00. 00:59. 00:58._

Pepper pressed a final kiss against Tony’s lips. She savoured him for everything she was.

“You’re my everything,” she told him. “In my whole life, I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.”

He smiled and it felt real. Pepper sat back on her knees, Peter leaning against her side. She checked the safety.

“It’s okay not to be strong sometimes. It’s okay.” Tony nodded at Pepper, once, firm. “Look after each other.”

He shut his eyes as Pepper lifted the gun. She should’ve known that he wouldn’t want to see her at the other end of a revolver, pointed at his forehead. Peter sobbed suddenly, and Pepper paused to pull him closer, a hand over his eyes, turning his head away from Tony Stark.

She should’ve known when she woke up that he would do this; that she would be pointing the gun and he would be on the receiving end of the bullet.

She should’ve known.

Tony Stark was nothing if not a martyr. Was nothing if not a hero.

“You are so loved,” Pepper said. She saw Tony’s muscles relax. She pulled the trigger.

 

 

She stared at the space he’d been, not at the space he now occupied.

The gun clattered to the floor and Pepper pulled Peter in tighter, not letting him look at what she’d done. Her hands were clean but when she looked at them, they were so, so stained.

The clock hit _00:00_ and a buzz sounded, the door swinging open.

Pepper almost said _let’s go home_ , but the words died in her throat. She’d killed their home. Their home was lying in his own blood.

She’d never be able to go home again.

**Author's Note:**

> hey there  
> how u doing


End file.
